All our guests bring us happiness...

There is a plaque hanging on the door of a reception room at a friend’s home; the inscription on the plaque reads “all our guests bring us happiness, some by coming and others by leaving” The irony was not lost on me and I’m sure that if you think about this statement, you too may have had guests who brought you immense happiness by waving goodbye.

There is a certain guest whose visits have brought everything but happiness for the general populace of her host destinations.  The last time she visited Lagos State, there was a 5 hour traffic gridlock in the Central Business District and I happen to have the ‘good fortune’ of working in that vicinity.

 On the day of the said visit, each time I looked out of the window from my vantage point (my office is on the 9^th floor) I wondered what could have happened to cause such traffic; my overactive imagination conjured all sorts of scenarios - “could it be an accident involving multiple vehicles, a large stationary vehicle blocking major access routes or even a large scale armed robbery?” I was soon informed that a ‘VIP’ was visiting but I still felt a visit from anybody was not enough reason for the absolute halt in vehicular movement. I reasoned that something else must have happened.  After all, the ‘VIP’ is not omnipresent and thus could only be in one place at a time so why would all the link bridges to the mainland be affected by her movement? As the day progressed, I did not find or hear of any other logical reason and anyway, people were already venting their frustrations about ‘THE VISIT’ on the radio.

So the explanation was the visit, why did this person visit...surely the visit must have been for the good of all concerned (including the stranded commuters), this visitor must have come bearing gifts and glad tidings; this kind of discomfort and loss of man hours must be offset by something positive at least. Unfortunately, the visit did not bring any good to Lagos State because it was a ‘thank you’ courtesy call on all the ‘South South’ (not the Lagosians) women who had been kind enough to put the visitor’s hubby into the highest office in the land. I know that saying ‘thank you’ is a courtesy that most of us were taught when we were tiny tots but this is taking things much too far!

The very thought of someone getting on a plane with a large entourage and shutting down the commercial capital of the country during the most productive hours of the day just to say ‘thank you’ for electoral votes is just too absurd.  In any case, a courtesy call should be innocuous and cause as little upheaval as possible but not so for the Dame’s visit; according to Kunle Fadipe in the Punch, she literally prevented the husbands of those whom she had come to thank from going about their legitimate business during her visit. If that is the price I have to pay for the Dame's politeness, please give me rudeness any day of the week!

Now, one would think Patience would restrain herself from such enthusiastic displays of ‘courtesy’ after the Lagos fiasco but no such luck.  The Dame found her way to Warri on Monday; this time she was inaugurating a beauty shop no less!  The visit was supposed to be ‘private’ but it had a very public effect because the security personnel shut down the town so that Patience could inaugurate a beauty shop in peace.  If she had gone to inaugurate a state of the art hospital or a school or any public building that might eventually bring some happiness to her hosts, maybe in our usual sentimental manner, she could be forgiven, but a beauty salon??  A salon that would probably be priced beyond the reach of an average Warri citizen.

I can only conclude that Dame Patience is a guest of the latter kind; a guest who brings you sheer joy just by standing up and picking up her purse...in readiness to leave.